Counting the Nights
I connect to my body, to my eyes,
my breath quickens. Shoving my
to face washing, toothbrushing, undressing.
My eyelids flutter;
I feel my eyelashes tap the pillow,
I connect to my breath
as it slows, as it evens.
I connect to the needed blankness of sleep.
I connect to the colorful, noisy,
disturbing, constant, confusing, unceasing.
These hours, this night,
this week, this month, all of my nights.
I scratch marks on the wall, next to my bed.
Five dreams tonight – one
tolerable, four horrendous.
Seven dreams (I wake up crying),
Next night three, I screamed myself awake.
I count the nights, tonight and every night. These days and nights,
weeks and months, this time, this year.
I count eight days of Passover,
then forty-nine days of the Omer.
This year – these dreams.
I keep counting.
I connect to my body. my breath quickens,
I open my eyes, awake.