Feral

 

It was only yesterday that my heart was my heart

familiar, annoying, quick to fall in love.

My heart beat its everyday rhythm.

 

It was 4 months ago that my body betrayed me.

My heart was hit with an avalanche from a broken world,

smashing down with things we never expected.

My heart ran as fast as it could.  I chased it

I promised – begged – we can do this, we can handle this

the broken world, jagged pieces, my fragile body.

My heart disappeared.

 

The time without my heart was long

I had to be patient, I had to be still.

I ached, I wept silently.

I learned to deny

I froze over.

 

My heart came back,

It is feral.

I don’t recognize it.

It is hard to control, hard to spend time with

it doesn’t want company or kindness

it does not want to be fed or stroked

to be caged or watched or poked

My feral heart has tucked itself 

behind the pieces of my broken body.

I am stuck with it

It is obligated 

It snarls, I snarl back.