Cast

 

I struggle along, 

thrashing through my night, no light

is it 7:30 -- time to get up?

I doggedly turn over,

gently shove the cat to the floor.

It is, in fact, 11 am.

I stare, disbelieving, at the clock.

 

My mouth is furred, pickled,

lips gently cured, glued, stuck.

I hear a tap tap tap

here? not here? there? 

In my brain, in the room, in a dream?

A sharp sound

bright, inviting me

to unglue my eyelashes,

and heave the window blinds open.

 

There is a steady downpour.

I sense this by sound,

not sight.

 

No shadows today

no light, no dawn, 

no dusk, twilight, moonglow, so

where does my silhouette end?

I cast no shadow – 

am I casting anything today?

I try to cast, I want to cast –

to define a sharp edge for myself.

Today I crave separation, definition, autonomy.

 

“this – is the light

“this – is the dark

“this – is me”

 

But not today.

Today, dark as night,

light as dark as 

day as dark as shadows,

easing me like a dream,

welcoming me with silence,

no delineation, no lines, no outline.

 

Why break away?

I flow into the darkness.