It occurs to me that the world is saturated
I have finally seen that the world can become saturated
after stumbling through a collectively
I have finally seen that the world I thought I knew and loved
the world I never thought twice about
the world I simply lived in, as we all do –
I have finally seen that the world
that the world can be unrecognizable --
is that it?
or -- is it this --
I have finally seen that
this world is unknowable
that the world is a shape-shifter, a changeling.
It occurs to me
living in this world can feel like
being in a city, a city in a foreign country
a city that I’ve never visited before
never lived in before.
It occurs to me –
I have finally seen --
that the world can be
living in this foreign city against my will.
I had no choice.
I was astonished when it happened.
Now I am stuck in this world
for an extended period of time
It occurs to me that
the world can transform,
transform violently and quick
hurling me across the room,
like a fastball a spitball a slider.
I have finally seen that the world is in charge of me
And I am not in charge of the world.
It occurs to me
having finally seen the world as it is
as it really, truly is
after living with insecurity day after day after day
after living with heartache, heartbreak
with anger, frustration, fear
having finally felt utter joy in
the triumph of small victories –
an unexpectedly balmy day in the middle of January
the sun kissing my cheek
like a promise, like a prayer.
It occurs to me that I have finally seen the world
and that the world has become saturated –
it was always saturated.
I have finally seen that the world is full, then empty
half dry half wet,
wrung out briefly,
full and overflowing again.
It occurs to me that the world is
like the ancient but faithful sponge
that has resided on the edge of my sink for
far too long.
Unknowable and unlikeable,
beautiful, tried and true,